A Bunch of Emo Teenaged Faggots in Love
by JoeMerl
Summary: ...With Each Other. The boys stumble across a fanfiction site and try to make sense of a show with their town in the title. Reviews or flames greatly appreciated.


"So, what _is_ fanfiction anyway?" Stan asked, standing on his toes to watch over Kyle's shoulder as he brought the website up.

"Basically it's where fans of a show--or book or movie or whatever--write stories and stuff about the show and post them for other people to read on the Internet."

"Pffft. That's stupid," Cartman muttered from the floor, where he and Tweek were playing a desultory card game. "Why'd anybody want to waste their time writing stupid stories about TV shows and stuff?"

"Well, a lot of it is pretty bad," Kyle admitted, clicking on the "Cartoons" section of the fanfiction site. "But some of it is really cool. I'm reading this really funny _Terrance and Phillip_ story--I swear, the show should hire the guy who writes it, it's _just_ like the show but even _funnier!_"

"Can I see?"

"Sure. Let's see..." Kyle's eyes scanned down the list of cartoon options. "_Tale Spin, Teamo Supremo, Teen Titans--_"

"Dude!" Stan's eyes went wide as he pointed. "What's that?!"

"What?"

"There! There's a cartoon listed called _South Park!_"

"Huh?!"

Stan was right--Kyle's mouth dropped open as he read and reread the title, blinking in confusion. Tweek let out a cry and looked up, startled; Cartman, who had been trying to sneak a look at his cards, looked up with interest.

"What?" He lifted his large body from the floor and ran over, following Tweek to glance with Stan over Kyle's shoulders.

"There's a show named after this town?! Why?!" Tweek wondered, eyes wide with horror at the thousands of terrible things this could possibly mean.

"I don't know--I've never heard of it before. Let's see."

Kyle clicked on _South Park._ A moment later the list of stories appeared, each with a short little message summarizing what they were about.

The four boys read over the list of stories for a moment. All four mouths dropped. Four pairs of eyes slowly turned in their heads to look at each other in horror.

"Uh...Kyle?"

"Yeah, Stan?"

"Do you...notice something about these stories?"

"You mean...like our _names_ in them?"

"_Euugghh! _Dude, what's going on here?!" Tweek cried, looking from the computer to his three friends with absolute terror on his face. "These stories are about _you guys!_"

"Not just us--look, here's one about you!" Stan said, pointing. "And look--here's one about Kenny! And another about Craig and Tweek!"

"And there's one about Damien! Remember, Satan's weird kid who used to go to our school?" Kyle looked down the list. "And one about Wendy, one about Bebe--a bunch about you and me, Stan--"

"What the fuck is going on?!" Cartman demanded, outraged. "Who the hell has been writing stories about _us_ and putting them on the Internet?!"

"Maybe the government is spying on us!" Tweek shrieked. "Maybe this whole town is nothing more than some sort of horrible real-life version of _The Truman Show!_ Or some kind of alien reality program! _Euugghh!_" He tweeked so hard he fell backwards onto the floor in horror.

"These can't be about us, r-tard," Kyle said, though his voice sounded significantly less sure. "They're about some cartoon. Named after our town and with characters who all have our names." He gave another nervous glance at the others. "I mean...th-that's not so weird, is it?"

Nobody answered, but Stan and Tweek returned his fearful look.

The four boys stared at the computer for a moment before Stan finally spoke. "Well--look. We're getting all freaked out about this, but we don't even know what this show is about. Maybe it's--maybe it's all just a really big coincidence."

"But how do we know?!" Tweek screamed, pulling at his hair and ill-buttoned shirt.

"Let's just--read one," Stan said, a bit haltingly. "Just to--see what they're about."

The boys looked at each other. Kyle slid the mouse over to Stan. "You do it."

"What? No, you do it!"

"I don't wanna do it!"

"What are you, a chicken?"

"Are you?"

Stan grimaced, then took the mouse from Kyle, who moved his chair over to allow Stan to move more in front of the screen. "Okay...let's choose...er, this one. It has me and Kyle's name in the title. Let's just...see if it's really about us."

He clicked. The four boys leaned over to read it.

A few moments passed. Then four sets of eyebrows slowly rose. Four mouths dropped open again. As Stan, Kyle and Tweek's twisted into looks of horror, Cartman's curled up into a look of glee. "Ho-_HO!_" he cried, rubbing his hands together.

"Aww--_awww_!" Stan cried, cringing back.

"Click it off! Click it off!" Kyle screamed, turning away as though the words were burning his eyes.

Stan clumsily grabbed the mouse again and clicked the story away. Cartman, meanwhile, had fallen onto the floor, laughing hysterically.

"OH! Oh, I'm seriously--well" He giggled insanely "that certainly does _sound_ like you guys!"

"No it does NOT, fatass!" Kyle snapped. He was still a bit pale with the horror of it all.

Cartman put his hands together and cocked his head, batting his eyelashes girlishly. "_'Kyle had always loved Stan, loved him ever since they were kids, and now, after eight years of pining for him--'_"

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING FATASS!"

"_'"I love you too, Kyle," Stan said, caressing Kyle's cheek with his large, strong hand--'_"

"I SAID _SHUT UP_!" Kyle screamed, punching at Cartman's face. He missed and hit his shoulder, but the blow was enough to make Cartman fall backwards, only to have him roll on the floor with laughter again.

"Yeah, shut up, Cartman!" Stan agreed. "B-besides, that story wasn't even about us. You read, it was about a pair of sixteen-year-olds who spent all their time crying and being all stupid and emo and stuff."

"Sounds to me like you guys in a couple of years!"

"SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE!"

"Yeah, shut up, Cartman!"

"Or what?" he sneered.

An evil grin spread over Kyle's face as his mouse clicked on another story. "Or else we'll start reading _this _story, fatass."

"What?" he asked, coming over to read. A moment passed; then "WHAT THE FUCK--!"

Stan and Kyle fell back, laughing. Tweek was reading with wide eyes and a horrified look again. Cartman sputtered helplessly, unable to tear his eyes away.

"Oh man!" Kyle giggled, reading from the screen and speaking in a ridiculously romantic voice. _'And as Cartman peeled the orange parka off from Kenny's body, he felt his heart begin to pound--"_

"SHUT UP!"

"_'"I love you," Cartman whispered, bringing his lips down'--"_

"I SAID SHUT YOUR FUCKING JEW-MOUTH!" Cartman screamed, jumping up to snatch the mouse away and click the story off. "This is bullcrap! Me and Kenny?! I'm not some fucking fag!"

"That's what _all _these stories are about," Kyle muttered, taking the mouse from him and scanning down the list of stories. "Look, just read these summaries--'Kyle and Stan are sixteen, and fall in love'...'Ten stories about Tweek and his burning love for Craig'...'Kenny and Butters go off to college and love begins to blossom'...ugh."

"Yeah," Stan said, once again reading the stories over his best friend's shoulder. "These stories aren't about us. Every one just seems to be about a bunch of emo teenaged faggots falling in love with each other."

"Yeah. Kind of weird that they all have our names, though," Kyle said, giving the computer screen another strange look. "Even if they don't sound _anything _like us."

"Yeah," Stan agreed. He was still feeling a little disturbed, but he shrugged. "Well, whatever. That show is stupid. Let's just go read that _Terrance and Phillip_ story."

"Okay, cool," Kyle said, taking the mouse back and gladly clicking the _South Park_ screen away. "You guys will really like it. I swear, it's not one of those stupid fanfictions, this one is _just_ like the show."

"Okay, cool."


End file.
